Saturday, 20 September 2014

Blogging around the world...

Hi dolls!!

Long time no blog, I guess is the phrase. I can't actually believe I haven't posted since MAY...that is crazy!
I'm currently sitting in a big comfy bed, in an amazing hotel room, in Seoul (South Korea). Quite literally the other side of the world for me and no surprises it's 11pm and I can't sleep. So along with copious cups of tea, pot noodles, peanut butter M&Ms and series 3 of Gossip Girl I thought it was about time I logged back into Blogger and got things up and running again.

So where have I been for the last 4 months I hear you asking? Well here's a little recap:

As you probably remember me mentioning a few hundred times I was waiting to start training for my new cabin crew job. This was originally supposed to be early May but I had some referencing and medical problems (none actually my fault!) and I didn't end up starting until June 13th, which was also the day before my birthday.

First day was daunting but more of a meet & greet session with lots of paperwork given out, lots of information relayed and ice breaker type activities.
Being the huge football fan that I am I was so so excited when the World Cup fixtures were announced back in December last year and one of England's group games happened to be on my birthday. So months beforehand I already knew that I wanted to have a football party, get all my friends round and get in a load of beers and takeaway pizza...and that's exactly what we did! It was the first proper party me & G have had in our new house and we had such a fun night (obviously apart from the football score, England drew 1-1 with Italy which little did we know would be the highlight of the tournament for England).
Then Monday came...Cue the toughest, most stressful, emotional, hardcore, intense but amazing 6 weeks of my life! Now don't get me wrong I've experienced a tough 6-week cabin crew training course before with my previous airline and I know how hard it can be but this was something else. There were 20 people on my course in total and I genuinely have made friends for life. These 19 other humans are the only other people who know exactly what we went through, how much work we put in and how elated we were to finally make it to the end and get our wings on July 29th! They will forever be my flying family! Similarly with my last airline I am still in touch with people I trained with, I don't think you ever really forget your training group.

Now here I am nearly 2 months later typing this in South Korea wondering where the hell the time has gone. My first operational flight was on Friday August 1st to Chicago and since then I have been lucky enough to go to Basel, Vienna, Helsinki, Manchester, Miami, Capetown, Bologna, Paris and now Seoul...and I've just found out that next month I have Rio de Janeiro, Nairobi, Hamburg, Tokyo and Las Vegas to look forward to. 
I know how fortunate I am to be in this position and that thousands of people would kill for this job but is it what I thought it would be? No!
In fact maybe that's the wrong question to be asking myself, I knew exactly what the job would be and what it would entail but does it make me happy like I thought it would? No! ....and I don't know what to do about it.

Has anybody else ever experienced this feeling of wanting something so badly your whole life and then once you have it, it turns out maybe it wasn't right for you after all? I feel so awful thinking this let alone saying it. My poor family and friends have put up with years of me moaning about other jobs and I have had to borrow so much money from my parents to get by up until now, as I still haven't had a proper months wage. But I just can't shake the feeling of dread every time I have to pack a suitcase an go away again and I REALLY didn't expect to feel like this!
It's time to be honest with myself and I really am struggling. It turns out I am much more of a "home" person than I ever knew but when it's taken so much to get to where I am now I just can't give up this easy. Can I? How long is long enough to give something a go? Do you just know if a career change isn't right for you? I miss G & Marley so so much while I'm away and literally count down the time until I get to go home again. Don't get me wrong the places I am visiting are amazing and I am so so lucky to have the opportunity to travel like I do. Once I get to a destination and am out exploring and having new adventures I really do enjoy myself but when I get home again I never ever want to leave.
Each and every night before I'm due to fly off again me & G have the same conversation in bed. Me saying "I don't want to go!" And G saying "don't be silly". Even when I am so so SO excited to go somewhere for the first time, like Rio de Janeiro in a couple of weeks... I have been DYING to go there ever since I found out I got this job. Especially when there was a chance I could visit during the World Cup, but when it comes down to it I'd rather just be at home with my boys...and I'm not sure it's normal to feel like that?

Sorry this has been abit of a ranting post. I think I needed to get some of these feelings out of my system...maybe some I didn't even want to admit to myself.

I hope you are all okay and have had amazing summers. I pinky pinky promise I will be making so much more of an effort to post more regularly now. Once I stop feeling sorry for myself I will start some travel posts as well.